Letting go is an essential part of moving on, I know. I like to think that I’m good at it. I often am not bothered by other people and their behaviors. I’m never more at peace than when I’ve lost my keys or my wallet. I’ve purged so much from my closet that I am actually in need of clothes to wear. But things and people are easy to walk away from. I’m delusional to think I have any skill at all.
It’s the past—the secret past that I always want in my clutches. My stowed-away diaries. The dreams I awoke from suddenly and carried with me for days. The poems borne from triumph and fury. Those things I never shared but with myself. I as their sole keeper am the only one who can keep or discard them.
I used to write and receive many letters
Seems right that on the weekend of Winter Storm Nemo, I am starting the blogging life fresh, with the still-white snow outside, the sun filling up the house, and the promise of longer and longer days ahead. I’m not editing as I write this—feels so good to simply set it down.
Blogging kept me regular, and I miss it. It helped me to keep my appointment at my desk to write to you. Planned or unplanned. Writing, reminiscing, hoping—sharing these secret parts of myself to unknown readers.
I took a forced leave from blogging in May of 2011, when my website suffered a very deep hack. It was the weekend of the spring flood—the one before Tropical Storm Irene hit, and I was all-hands-on-deck working with the City and the downtown community to report damages and coordinate with recovery efforts with FEMA, and fundraise. It was an inconvenience that I couldn’t attend to until July. Even then, my tech team (friends in Colorado) could only restore so much. I was able to post a few pieces, until the bugs got to be too annoying.
At this point, I can’t even access the phayvanh.com site from either the front or back end. I’ve got an email out to tech support, and have started up this blog in its place. When we get that restored, or merged with this one, I will let you know. In the meantime, please make sure to bookmark this site and return often. I have so much I’ve been waiting to tell you!